I'm pissed the fuck off!

So I decided to do some of my Christmas shopping online. Didn't really feel like being bothered with the crowds and since I'm a last minute shopper anyway this was great for me. Because I didn't need to venture out into the madness of the malls and the like, I got it done rather early, the 13th and the 14th of this month. Why did I receive an email telling me that I was being refunded because of an inventory error. They could not ship my items because they were no longer available from the vendor!! GRRRRR!!! Inventory error my ass! I called and spoke with several people by phone and through a live customer service chat and each and every one of them summmama bishes assured me that my items were in stock and I would have it by Christmas. Mind you this not only happened with one of the online shopping sites (1 of which I have made previous purchases and had no problem with) but all 3 of them. The fact that the items were in stock, were guaranteed arrival by Christmas, and were extremely reasonably priced was the main deciding factor in my choosing to purchase from them and now this shit!!!! Since I have to work today and I am usually tired as hell when I get off, that leaves me all of what...saturday and Sunday to find these items that were specifically requested so that I won't be responsible for heartache on Christmas. Man, I am pissed the fuck off and all they could give me was a bunch of half-assed "I'm sorry's" and "I know how you feel, I would be upset too" Bitch you have all of your gifts, I am the one that is assed out and in a terrible quandary due to your false advertising and lies. I did get a $5 credit towards my next purchase but whoop dee do!!! I know one thing, I will Neva, eva, eva purchase anything that I need in a specific time frame on line again, and most definitely never from these particular online stores. Shit I would've been better off shopping on Ebay, at least I've never had a problem with them!!

End rant! Whewwww! That felt good.

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I am too through with Britney spears

I am so through with Mrs Britney Spears or Mrs. Federline(at least until after the divorce is finalized.) I don't know what that poor girl is going through but someone needs to knock some sense into her quick, fast, and in a hurry. Yes, you fucked up marrying fed-ex but you knew you were wrong from jump. He was in a long term relationship and on top of that his girlfriend was 9 months pregnant and you not only date him but marry him and become pregnant the same year? Then you get pregnant again only a few months later? Chile please!!!! Staying knocked up is not the way to keep a man. We're glad you wised up a bit and cut his mooching ass off but now you want to hang out with Lindsey Lohan and Paris Hilton ( who have no children I might add) and draw more attention to yourself? You know those hoes are known drunkards among other things. Maybe that's the point huh? Get back out there and get some attention (any publicity be it bad or good is still publicity correct?) in preparation for your comeback. Anyway, me thinks the timing is all wrong. It has been reported that K-Fed is seeking custody and what better way to give it to him Mrs. Britney, than to be seen partying every day of the week, dancing on tables drunk as a skunk,having your pantyless crotch
splattered all over the internet and TV for the whole word to see, as well as a myriad of demonstrated and documented lack of parenting skills. (driving with little Sean P on your lap and almost dropping him while tripping over your platform wedges in an attempt to hold on to your drink and your baby simultaneously..ring a bell anyone?) I just have 3 word for you Mrs. Brit and some of the other tack head chicks that have been thrusted upon us lately (ahem ahem Mrs Starr Jones or shall I say Mrs. Al Reynolds in a strapless mini with sagging titties and makeup 3 shades lighter than your skin color):

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Mojitos, Music, and Men .. Yes!!! In that order

Well, not necessarily in that order, men and music are interchangeable but Mojitos will always be my number 1 lova. Anyway, My girl had a little soiree' in which we each(the four of us) had to bring two guests that the others didn't know. What the hell? I found that to be quite challenging since we all hang out together and know the same folks. There is not that many people that I am confortable with to let inside my little circle but I ended up settling on two of my co-workers, male and female. The male is cool as hell. We have a good rapport and he is one of the few fellas that have actually been to my spot before. Yes, he has been known to work a nerve or two but we're cool like that so it's quite alright. The girl is alright too. We talk, shop, and eat lunch together sometimes so I figured she may be worthy of hanging lol. It's just that I really don't like to mix business and pleasure together so if any of my business gets back to the workplace, there are no seconds chances with me. Immediate cut off. Anyway, I pick FCW (female co-worker) up and we go to MCW's ( you figure it out) and he follows us to the house. When we arrive, there are about 20 people, (Of course the hostess invited more than the required two) and we just mingled and listened to music at first. I was put on drink duty because I make a mean mojito as well as a few other things. Although I'm a diehard beer girl, I love a Mojito( I mean I really LOVE A MOJITO) and most other "girly" drinks. We sat around, talked, drank, ate, danced and just had a grand old time. We even had a table of Pinochle (that's my shit right there) and spades going. I haven't been to a card party since my college days and believe me, it was a welcome change from the club scene as well as a nice way to unwind and relax. I met some pretty cool peeps and that is a lot coming from me because it takes a lot for me to click with any female. Ya'll know how catty some women can be(especially when there are men around)and I just don't have the time nor the patience to deal with all of that drama. I let one young man monopolize most of my time as he volunteered to help me make the drinks. Attractive, smart, funny as hell and most importantly EMPLOYED!!! Yes!!! We have a winner. Just kidding but we exchanged business cards and said we'll keep in touch. I'm not really trying to get into a real relationship with anyone at the moment nor am I trying to add any more men to my stable but I tend to subscribe to the theory that one can never have too many friends, so I make it a habit to never discount anyone. The party lasted well into the wee hours of the morning before folks started to clear out. Since we(The fab four) were staying over, we cleaned up, drank the remaining liquor and those of us who did not pass out, (ahem ahem Ms Hostess) talked and reminisced until we finally drifted off to sleep. Memorable evening, so much so that I may volunteer to host the next one at my spot. Give me a chance to pull out the Magic Bullet (not THAT kind of bullet) but the one they show in the infomercial so I can mix it up proper like.

Instructional mojito video for those of you who know like I know!!!

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You Snooze, You lose!!

Ya girl needs to seriously get her butt in gear!!! I don't know what it is with me but I am such a procrastinator. I know how I am but it never fails, year after year I wait until the absolute last mintue to get my Christmas shopping done. I have a grip of gifts to get and have only bought two so far and that was online. I bought a mp3 player for my girl and because I was able to get it for such a good price, I decided to get one for myself as well. I think the reason that I am waiting so long is that I really don't know what to get for anyone. You know how people are, they don't want to get specific and are full of "Anything is fine" but let you get something they don't want, like or need....it's a whole 'nother story then. Money would be good but the people I am buying for want something to open on Christmas so a card with money just ain't gone' get it for them(ungrateful heathens). I have one person that really doesn't deserve anything, just moody and rotten for no reason at all, one who doesnt like anything I ever buy (which is usually clothes). I did buy this person a leather coat one year and that,was much appreciated. I have one who is extremely sweet and kind..for her I'll do anything, older folks who request money, but I'll most likely give gifts and then there is FWB who is non-deserving but since I can't do him like that, add him to my list as well. I already bought a few gifts for myself on Black Friday but I am determined that I am getting this one special gift for myself. I NEED this particular thing in my life so bad and I will do just about anything to get it! Ya'll just don't know how good it feels! Maybe I'll share at a later date, maybe I won't. Off to try to see what I can find online. I wonder how late I can order online and still have it arrive in time for Christmas...Hmmmm?

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AHHH, Winter time. ...either Love it or Hate it!

Saturday, I slept until 9 (which is rather late for me) I'm an extreme early bird and like to get up, out, and about early. I'm talking 5, or 6 A.M. early. I skipped the gym too because I didn't feel like dealing with the crowds. (which is one reason why I get up early on the weekends,I am in and out of the gym before most even wake up). I just fixed me some coffee and oatmeal (Makes your mouth water doesn't it lol.) and caught up with my MTV reality shows. FWB called around one and said he was stopping by. He showed up with takeout and a movie (Tai and The Forgotten ) which was really good. I'm not much of a scary movie buff but I did think this was good. Next after looking out of the window he came up with the brilliant idea to go outside and make a snow man. Okay, last time I checked we were two grown ass people but I was down for anything. I got dressed with my thermal underwear, a few pairs of socks, boots, scarves, gloves, hats, and anything else I could find to keep me warm and we headed out. I had a freaking Blast!!!! We made a half-assed snowman, had a snow ball fight, made snow angels, etc. I forgot how exhilarating it is to just let everything go and become a child again. Fwb even let me bury him partially. Isn't infatuation grand? That was exactly what I needed and believe it or not, I was having such a good time I completely forgot about the cold, (and the fact that his ass was still on punishment)at least until I got inside and couldn't feel my fingers and toes. I took a steaming hot shower and made us both some hot chocolate and we just sat around and watched cartoons. Lol we really regressed, but it was great. I suggest everyone take the time to rediscover their childhood. Very relaxing.
Since I'm off today( furniture delivery which is tying up my whole damn day. Why do they say between 8 and 7, like I have all day to sit around and wait for them) I figured I would just update this blog. After going to the gym and bugging my girl at work,I had a little free time lol. I really should be doing laundry and cleaning up a bit but I'm feeling lazy right now. I'll save that for the weekend. I'm supposed to meet my girl Miko(Posse member number 3) at Borders at 3( I hope that damn delivery man is here before then). By the way, that isn't her real name. We met in school and she decided that since school was a new chapter in her life and she wanted to leave the past behind, she would make a new start, complete with new name and all. Her real name is rather plain and ordinary but we all agree that "Miko" has a bit of mystery to it. It's funny because everyone that knew Miko before school, refers to her by her real name. It is just odd to hear people calling her that because I have only known her as Miko. I really dig that thought process. I wish that I had thought to do that. I would've gone by my nick-name. I know you are wondering what it is but :::singing:::: "I'll never tell. I know that I have had this nickname for as long as I can remember. I really hated it growing up. All of my relatives still call me this when I visit and I thought it was sickening. Now I love it and I think it fits me to a tee. Yeah, I know I've really stoked your curiosity now, but Nope, still not telling. Yeah!! Delivery man just called and will be here in about 15 minutes. It's after 2 and that leaves me less than an hour to get dressed, grab a latte, and get over to Borders. It's nice out today too! Woo hoo!

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What the Heezy!

What is going on with this weather? Just this past Wednesday folks were out and about with tank tops and flip flops on. Thursday it's 30 degrees out and today we have a blizzard that threatens to deposit 8-10 inches! What is up with that? Thank God we didn't get that much where I am but some parts of the state did. I must admit, it looks gorgeous out but I do not enjoy going out and cleaning off my car, bumper to bumper traffic, people who creep and crawl because they are scared to drive in the snow and slip/sliding across the free world in an attempt to get to Wal-mart. Not to mention it threw a monkey wrench in my plans to get it worked out...errr..ummm...I mean go work out *wink*. I was so getting spoiled by this lovely weather.(I mean no coat,sandals kind of lovely) I guess its offical huh? WINTER IS FINALLY HERE!!

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Oh the sheer madness

Neva, eva, eva again....I let Miko drag me out yesterday into the Black Friday Madness. We went to Wal-Mart of all places!! Thank God we were fortunate enough not to have any incidents at the store but I am totally shocked at the reports that I have been seeing on the news of people getting trampled and tackled to the ground on their quest to get some bargains. Best Buy is absolutely ridiculous, I wouldn't even attempt to go there for an advertised big sale day. They arrested a 39 year old man for fighting in the line...that's right, a big, grown azz man!! I really didn't have anything in mind that I particulary wanted or needed but you know, Miko is my girl so I had to be there for her. She was going for the 50" plasma TV for $500 I think...(which is a bargain) and because she sees the frenzy going on for the laptops she just had to have one of those too and of course, she talked me into getting one as well. $398, you can't beat that! Of course it doesn't have top of the line specs but it is a good backup for me for the things that I use it for. Plus, when I get tired of it, there is always...Duh DUh Duh Duhnnnn....You guessed it, EBAY!!! I simply cannot believe that Miko had me up and out the door by 1:30 A.M. By the time we got into the store I felt like a human icicle. Miko thrives off of shopping and the whole crowd thing. I have to admit that I did find all of the hoopla,frenzy, and being the first to get a bargain a little bit thrilling too. So now I'm home just relaxing and then I remember that I haven't posted in a few days ,so,Tadaaa...here I am. Right now I need a stiff drink and an even stiffer--well, umm, you know. I haven't had any in a while. Trying to be a good girl, and Now I am horny as hell. I'm glad that I turned off my ringer because if I hear the bass of a sexy male voice who knows what or who i'm liable to do. I am going to kill my girl "J" and her stupid ideas. She promised to give us $50 if we could stay celibate for a month. No dick, no tongues, fingers,toys, veggies, no anything. Of course we all jumped at the opportunity to prove that we rule our bodies and that our bodies do not rule us. So far, we have all managed to stick it out and we only have a few days left until this month is up. One thing I do know is that come December first, someone will be in for the time of their life because I will be riding the shyt out of them lol. (Maybe that was a little too much info) Anyway,I guess I will just fix me something to eat and then get some much needed rest. After putting up with family (some of whom I haven't seen in ages) I really, need some downtime. Don't you just love the holidays?

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Damn , damn, damn!!!

So here I am staring at my closet trying to figure out what I am going to wear tonight knowing my ass would really prefer to stay at home and chill. I got up at the crack of Dawn and hit the gym and needless to say, after my 2 month long absence, I'm still feeling that workout. I have no idea how I always manage to let J talk me into stuff that I really had no intention of doing but she has a way of making you feel guilty and throwing old shyt up in your face so once again, I acquiesced. Now here I am tired as hell, not really feeling up to the baby thugs, bammas, or whomever else I may be likely to encounter at said club. I just hope this is a mature crowd because I am really not in the mood for the 21 year old hip hop heads. I hope my request for a mature crowd doesn't turn around and bite me in the ass because last time I said I didn't want to be out and about with the youngins, my girl had me up in the club with dudes who were the age of my grandfather. Leisure suits, suspenders, toothless , the whole nine. I could've slapped the shyt out of her when I walked in that place but I'm a big girl, I handled myself rather well and just enjoyed myself in spite of..... It wasn't so bad partying with the old timers though, they're not stingy with the drinks and they aren't all up in your face trying to get some either. Had my girl in there talking about "you aren't a real woman unless you can drink tobasco sauce straight." I just looked at her crazy azz and let her handle that. *Sigh* back to tonight. I guess I'll settle on my skinny jeans, black stilletto boots(since I don't plan on doing much of anything but getting my drink on) and some kind of cleavage bearing shirt. lol Gotta bring the sexy back nahimean?

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The return of the macktress

Yes I am back from my hiatus. I haven't had much energy to do anything other than work and sleep. I don't know what is up with me but I am literally drained. I need to get my azz back in the gym stat because when I was working out I always felt great, energy was through the roof and I never felt the urge or need to go to bed early (which currently has been around 9 or 10ish).

Okay, this is the craziest shyt I haveheard all week. My girl and her crazy ass wanted to me to go to Best Buy with her so she can get a Playstation 3 and sell it on Ebay for a grip. I said "Bish, are you crazy?". Those fools have been camped out in tents and shyt since Tuesday. She was serious though and really thought I would get in line with her. She told me that she was going to take off work today and see if she could cut somebody to get one. I tell ya, that girl has no sense whatsoever. Folks have been getting shot and trampled on and she wants to go down there in the midst of that lunacy and then try to cut in front of somebody? I hope I don't see her azz on the news and believe me I have been looking. Please!!!

On another note, I had to put FWB on punishment. His azz has been trippin' hard and I am not the one, hell we aren't even together,technically! We have a sort of You scratch my back, I'll scratch your type of thing going on but a brotha is starting to get too controlling. Had to cut him off for a spell so he can really know what's up. The bad thing is that by cutting him off I cut myself off too and a sista needs her back blown out something fierce! Yeah it would be easy for me to go out and find someone to fill in while he's in the dog house but I am not about the random dick AT ALL!!! I stick to what's familiar wether we are together or not. If we're trying to build something then that's cool but to just go out and let any random nigga sample the goodies is a no no!! (unless I'm drunk and out of my mind. lol Nah, not even then. I've come close to doing the one night stand thing a few times but that's what I have my girls for, to slap some sense into me when I'm acting up. lol They've come through for me everytime and I really appreciate that, Hell I've done the same for them on many an occasion.

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Lessons in Life: What I have learned today!

Now I know this may be a little too much information for some but I am the type of person that if I can help someone by giving them a little advice or something, I'm all for it. I'm posting this life lesson in the hopes that I can possibly save someone from making the same mistake that I have made:

LIFE LESSON 1:



Do Not... I repeat, DO NOT eat Flamin' hot anything. That includes, Cheetos, hot fries, Lays, or anything else labled "flamin' hot". It will light your ass up!! I mean it, your behind will seriously be on fire. As for me, lesson LEARNED !!!!

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Grrrrrr.....!!!!!! The Nerve!

The NERVE of them!!!! Don't get me wrong, I love my job and all,(well I love the money they pay me) but I simply cannot believe that they had the audacity to call me into the office ASAP on MY DAY OFF!!! Not only that, but I am required to put in an appearance tomorrow as well!!! I understand that Monday is a big day and all but isn't it enough that I devote 8+ hours of my life to them Monday through Friday? Do they now have to infiltrate my weekends too? I was highly upset! I know it's getting down to crunch time, but this is the weekend dammit! I went in at 8 A.M. and left at 1 today and tomorrow I have to make it in an hour earlier.

Anyway, the one saving grace of this day is that I was able to meet up at the spa with my girls. The massage alone was well worth it. You all know how I love to be felt up and rubbed down lol. Anyway, in addition to the massage, I had a facial, manicure and pedicure. I wanted to get my hair done also but the wait would've been over an hour so I have to do that next time. I'm just wierded out. It feels so wierd being home at this hour on a Saturday night. Either I'm out or I have people over, one of the two but alone? NEVER!!! I guess I'll just enjoy my solace. I just took a bubble bath and am sitting here in my terry robe, footies (yeah the kind with the ball on the back don't act like you don't know)and my hair wrapped up in a towel. When I'm finished here, I'm going to have a mojito and curl up with a good book. Reading and orgasms are two sure fire ways to get some ZZZZZ"s. At least for me they are. I'll settle for the reading tonight though. I don't want to happen upon a weak moment and end up inviting FWB over and have him keep me up all night.

Now that I think about it, spending alone time is something that I need to do more often. Yes! I think that I will dedicate one or two nights a week just to myself. I'll turn off my ringer,order in, watch movies, blast my music, jump on the bed, walk around the house butt naked and just do whatever the hell I want to do!!! It has been long overdue. I think in my partying and socializing I kind of lost sight of the things that I used to love to do. I love art...all kinds. I love to draw and sing(yes I can sing and I do sound good!) I had even begun painting a little bit and put all of that off because my socializing and working took up all of my time. My one true love though is photography. I absolutely LOVE it!!!. There is something about being in a darkroom. The chemicals, the red light, placing the film in the developer and swishing it around...all so empowering. Man I so miss that. Black and white photography is my favorite. I actually got into it when I was in junior high. Thanks, in part, to a summer program in which I was involved. The love that I had for it then actually stuck with me over the years. I really thought that I would end up being a photographer. Well that was my dream, yanno? Traveling all over the world and telling a story with no words... Just pictures? That would be so amazing but unfortunately that love seemed to have fallen by the wayside! Hey, I wonder if it is too late to go for it? Does anyone ever really realize their dreams or does it just happen to a select few by some sort of fluke? Nevertheless, I think I will enroll in a photography course to brush up on my skills.

One good thing is this online journaling. Really exhilarating. I've always kept a journal ever since I was a little girl. I had one bad habit of writing everything down and I do mean everything. I have a somewhat nosey mother and she found it twice and read it. Can you believe that, a mother actually reading her daughter's journal? Lol!!! I can laugh about it now but believe me, with some of the things I had written in that journal it was no laughing matter and I tend to get very explicit and detailed. (She found some condoms in my drawer once too but that's a whole 'nother story) Anyway, I was kind of put off after that so slowly but surely I got out of writing in it but this is a good substitute even though I am no where near as forthcoming and detailed as I would be if this was for my eyes only. Anyway, I have my mojito, my book, my bed and my J-O-B (dammit!!) waiting for me so I guess I will call it a night. I might engage in a little....On second thought, that might not be such a good idea. Nighty Night!

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The one that got away...or shall I say I threw away.

Life has gotten in the way and kept me pretty much hemmed up this week. Haven't had too much time to do anything lately including 'net time. Last night I was on my way home from no where special and this song came on the radio. I usually listen to a lot of oldies when I'm driving but this song came on and instantly the memories came flooding back. Isn't it amazing how something so simple can trigger memories of things that you had long since forgotten? I'm not sure but I really believe that this man was my one true love. Now I've been in love (at least I thought it was love) about 2 other times but I really, I mean really loved this particular young man...still do. Unfortunately, distance and new relationships kept us apart after our break but I really and truly believe that I will probably always love this man. It's unreal how much I think about him and it has been some years since we've been together, much less talked to one another. Of course I'm not spending every waking hour focusing on him but every so often, something will trigger a memory and there he is, invading my thoughts. Here we are again, today and he has been on my mind ever since I heard that song last night. Now I'm wondering how he is doing, what he looks like now, is he married, does he have any more kids, is he still teaching, do I ever cross his mind,is he still in Philly or did he move to VA like he always wanted to? I'm not one to dwell on the past but like they say, you never really know what you had until it's gone and in my case it's been gone for quite some time. I guess I'm just holding on to the memory of him moreso than the hope of holding the man himself. It's just weird how the simplest things like a song, a smell, a phrase, or a particular food can bring this rush of nostalgia back. Yes, I've been in relationships since him and No, I am not comparing every man that I meet to him but I can't help but think that in my youthful irresponsibility and carefree wayfaring, I may have chosen MR. Right Now as opposed to MR Right. Ah well.... la vida sigue!! No time for what ifs I suppose, reality calls...shall I answer? Do I really have a choice?

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A Time to Chill!!

I have about another hour at this place and then I will be heading for home. This weekend, I decided to take a little bit of time for myself. No company, no phone calls, no going out, no bothers, no men, no friends and no worries PERIOD!!!. I am heading to a little bed and breakfast all by my lonesome. I haven't told anyone(well I will call my mother and let her know the name and number of the place where I'll be staying) and I am purposely leaving my celly at home. I just need to relax and unwind and spend some alone time. I don't plan on doing much of anything other than enjoying my solitude. I may catch up on a few movies, read some books, write a little bit, take some walks... who knows. I haven't quite decide If I am going to take my lappy with me (as I may or may not have mentioned before, it goes everywhere I go) As of right now, I'm leaning towards leaving it where it lay, after all, the internet will be there when I get back. The bed and breakfast is about an hour drive for me. I was seriously thinking about taking the bus or train (don't much feel like driving) and I haven't been on a train in forever. I really enjoy train rides but since it is getting down to crunch time, I may as well just drive. If I enjoy myself enough and decide to make this my regular get-a-way spot,I will definitely plan in advance and take the train.

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Agree or disagree?

Still recouping from my extended weekend so for now this will suffice. I don't necessarily agree with the majority of this but I found it to be extremely amusing.
This is a list of rules that guys wished women knew...

1. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down.

2. Don't cut your hair. Ever.

3. Don't make us guess.

4. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to,
expect an answer you don't want to hear.

5. Sometimes, he's not thinking about you.
Live with it.

6. He's never thinking about "The Relationship."

7. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not
different, it's just like every other cat.

8. Dogs are better than cats.

9. Sunday = Sports.
It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

10. Shopping is not everybody's idea of a good time.

11. Anything you wear is fine. Really.

12. You have enough clothes.

13. You have too many shoes.

14. Crying is blackmail.
Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it.

15. Your brother is an idiot.

16. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.

17. No, he doesn't know what day it is.
He never will.
Mark anniversaries on a calendar.

18. Share the bathroom.

19. Share the closet.

20. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.

21. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem.
See a doctor.

22. Nothing says 'I love you' like sex in the morning.

23. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.

24. Check your oil.

25. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.

26. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.

27. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

28. Yes, pissing standing up is more difficult than peeing
from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.

29. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.

30. If you don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls,
don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

31. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women,
how can we know how pretty you are?

32. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.

33. You can either ask us to do something OR
tell us how you want it done-not both.

34. Women wearing Wonder bras and low-cut blouses lose their
right to complain about having their boobs stared at.

35. Don't make 50 rules when 35 will do.

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Am I wrong for feeling this way?

Last night, FWB and I went out to this little neighborhood spot where his boy bartends. It was cool, we got our drink on, chatted, and just kicked it until the wee hours of the morning(which in reality was only 10:00 P.M. lol because I had to be at work this morning) Before he dropped me off, we decided to go to IHOP because we were both feeling a bit famished...Plus, those funnel cakes were calling a sista loud and clear. We get there and we are heading towards a booth. While I'm walking, this cat is trying to holla talking about " Damn shawty, you looking good this evening girl". I look over and there are about 6 thugged out cats (beaters, sagging jeans, drawz showing, cornrows, the whole nine) crowded into this little booth. I don't respond and we keep walking towards our table. We are looking over the menu and dude comes and sits across from us at the empty table and says "What's your name shawty? You should come and sit with us?" I say "Excuse me, but do you mind? Can you not see that I am with someone?" Then he says "Fuck that nigga!" And I say "That is exactly what I plan to do tonight if we ever get the opportunity to order and eat without interruption." dude walks away calling me various bitches... all the while I'm looking at FWB who hasn't parted his lips AT ALL. Instead, he says "Let's go, I'm not hungry." I'm like "Well I am" and he says "We can go somewhere else." I oblige him and get up off my ass and proceed to follow him out of the place amidst those trifling negroes still talking shit and doing it rather loudly. I asked him why we were leaving and he said he just didn't feel like eating there. I couldn't help but feel a bit miffed because this cat just sat there and said nothing. I was hurt because I kind of wanted him to say something, defend my honor(so to speak) but instead he let this dude punk him ( may or may not have been true but that is how I saw it at the time) He offered to stop and get a burger somewhere and I declined (I wanted that funnel cake dammit) He dropped me off and I just hopped out the car, no goodbye , no see ya later, no nothing. Talk about a sista being pissed. I spent dayum near half the day today wondering why this dude didn't even attempt to say anything. Now this isn't the first time something like this has happened. One time, we were going to a B Ball game. It was hot as hell outside and I had on these short (alright they were kind of short but not that damn short) but anyway, this negro insisted that I change my clothes. I told him that I would not, we were just going to a basketball game at the school gym and since the day was almost over, it made no sense to change out of my tank top and shorts. He told me that I better change because he wasn't trying to be getting into it with no niggas over me. Again, I refused and do you know that he did not go to the game? (well it isn't the same scenario but I thought that was kind of a drastic stance given that he didn't even know if anyone would be paying me any mind) Anyway, back to the IHOP incident. I had to call him and ask him and he said that he is too old to be out there trying to fight 6 niggas. He felt that the best thing to do was just to leave and while I sort of, kind of understand his point..I'm still a bit hurt by his actions or lack thereof. Deep down I know that he couldnt really do anything with 6 cats when it was only 1 of him plus me . Hell yeah!! I would've jumped on a few backs or lit a couple of cojones up with my stilettos or something. ( I gets live fo' my nigga...what? What? J/k about the gets live part) and I really didn't expect them to start throwin' bows up in the IHOP but dayum, can I at least get a "Fuck you back nigga" or something? I need a man that I can feel safe with, someone who, when the shyt gets to poppin' off, is there to have my back. (doesn't matter if my mouth is the thing that got the shyt started in the first place) Right or wrong,I need someone who is down for me. What if someone tried to rob me, snatch me up or something? Is he just gonna stand around and let said robber/snater-upper do what he wants, not say anything, not do anything? I need to feel protected and last night that feeling was no where to be found. Am I wrong for feeling this way?

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Looks Like My Intuition was right on with this one.

So John Mark Karr's DNA Didn't match. Why am I not surprised? From the first moment that I saw this man's mug all over the news,something just really didn't sit right with me. I have always doubted that he was the murderer. Crazed...possibly, weird...definitely, but murderer...Nahh! I also figured that even though he wasn't responsible for Jon Benet Ramsey's death, because people really wanted to finally bring this mystery to an end, they would find some way to pin it on him anyway. They let him go but really, what would be an appropriate punishment for this man for straight up lying like that? He is obviously a very disturbed young man and for him to be allowed to go free and move on with his life just doesn't seem appropriate to me. This man lied, wasted tax payers dollars being flown from Thailand to Los Angeles to Colorado, Feasting on lobster, duck and champagne and shyt. Now you know that just isn't right. For a grown man to be obsessed with a little girl is abnormal in itself and since he obviously has child molesting tendencies, I think he definitely needs some type of counseling as well as a psychiatric evaluation. Yanno,nip that shyt in the bud before he really does take it a step further and rape and kill a child. (So far they've only got him for child porn) As far as jail time, I do think he needs some type of imprisonment but not in the penal system. He's so frail and feminine looking, he wouldn't last one night. Maybe a mental instituion would be better suited to his needs. I just want to really know why he did it...confessed. Attention seeking? 15 minutes of fame? Notoriety? I can't call it. I think that is the part that didn't make the most sense to me. Why confess if you have gotten away with murder for 10 years? Not only that, but he was safely out of the country at that! Now I know guilt is a strong emotion and the power of God is by far stronger but unless he had some type of religious epiphany, I really can't see the point in a confession. Just my ponderings this A.M.

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Memories

Today my girls and I went to the spa. Sundays are usually reserved for the spa but I haven't been in about 3 weeks. After today, you can best believe my ass will be there every Sunday from here on out! I really needed to be rubbed down, pampered, and just doted on! I didn't realize how much I really, really needed that. It also gave me a chance to spend some quality time with the girls catching up on gossip and shyt. Not that I don't talk to those heffas every day and see at least one of them daily, but you know it's hard to get all of us together without putting forth plenty of effort and aforethought (especially since one of the crew is now bogged down by the old ball and chain.) I hated to leave such a relaxing environment but they would've had to start charging me rent had I not decided to carry my ass home. I look great, I feel great, relaxed and mellow and my skin looks and feels like Butta~~~ Butta, I tell ya! So I get home and I'm just chillin', sippin'on a JD twisted and watching Ghost ( don't act like ya'll don't know about the Patrick Swayze, Demi Moore, Whoopi Goldberg flick) and I hear the phone ring. The caller ID says cellular call (gotta love the caller ID, can screen mofo's 'til my hearts content) and I recognize the area code as being that of Philly. I answer the phone and since the voice isn't familiar to me..I do my speil of "who's calling" blah, blah, blah. Turns out to be an ex whom I haven't spoken to in about 4 or 5 years. Why did he call and want to read some love letters that I had written to him over 10 years ago? lol It's so weird how things like that can affect you. Now mind you, I haven't spoken with this particular young man in years, much less thought about him, but since we hung up, he has been on my mind way to much. We had a some what volatile relationship. Back then, I was truly a party girl and all we did was drink, smoke and fuck. Man, we had some mind blowing sex. Whew Chile!!! Did we have some dayum good sex! ( got me reminiscing and shyt haha!) But we all know a fuck ( no matter how mind blowing) does not a good and solid relationship make. We vowed to keep in touch though...well he did since it's no big secret that I'm extremely bad about calling folks. He is supposed to call me later on. I seriously would never consider getting back together with him. I did see him a few years back. I was in Philly visiting a friend and she and I had a falling out. I guess she called herself kicking me out of her house so she called him to come and pick me up. He did and was in the process of carrying my bags to his car when we made up and I decided to continue my visit with her. I wasn't too attracted to him then because he had changed so much since the time we were together. I can say this though, he is doing well, financially and in his career. Much better than he did when he was with me (which isn't too hard to do because he wasn't doing shyt when he was with me.) Now he's damn near making 6 figures and talking about getting his Masters to boot. Ain't that some shyt though? When we were together all this man could think about was eating, drinking, smoking and fucking. I'm proud of him though and secretly I take pleasure and some of the credit for him finally getting on the grind and doing something with himself. I held his ass down while we were together, put up with all of his BS,listened when he needed an ear, gave advice, cheered him on and loved him unconditionally when he was at his lowest (I'm talking rock bottom, suicidal shyt here.. I guess the military really does fuck with a brothas mental) I'm pleased at how far he's come and I am so happy that he is doing well. I also know how Bey feels with the thought of another bitch reaping Her rewards which brings me to my next question: Why is it that guys don't want to do shit while they are with you but as soon as you break up they then decide to get their shit together? Maybe if he had been on the ball like he is now, we would've still been together. Nahhh I doubt it. He had major issues and drama and I had some baggage of my own. In hindsight, I now realize it never would've worked (and to think we both thought we would be married to each other by now)I couldn't trust him. He cheated on me and even though I tried to forgive him I just couldn't and that was it for us. Anyway, I do wish him well but now I'm hungry so let me go rustle me up something to eat or better yet, have someone pick me up some food from my favorite bistro! I'm feeling like a slammin' greek salad and some french bread right about now!

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Random Thoughts...cause my shit is all over the place today

~~If this Bytch says "You let that be the reason" one mo'time...
~~So what, you read a muthafuggin' book
~~We all know you got that shyt from Vickie Stringer
~~Come up with something new because you are wearing the hell out of that phrase.
~~Once? twice? possibly three times...alright,but after every word you say?
~~Bytch Puhleeze! Definitely time to update
~~Dude, fall the hell back because I am not feeling you like that
~~Don't pucker up your damn lips and stick your face in my car window
~~Talking about "Where is my kiss?"...Are you mad?
~~You crazy as hell if you think those lips could eva touch mine
~~and if you put your hand on my thigh again...
~~I will be forced to slap the shyt out of you!
~~You ain't slick nigga!
~~Yeah, you are cool as hell, you are funny as hell,
~~Plus, you keep me laughing on the regular
~~Too bad my ass is shallow, other wise you "might could" get it
~~Maybe even on the strength of your sense of humor alone
~~Everybody knows I love me a man with a great sense of humor
~~Be happy with my friendship which is all I'm willing to offer you...Will ya?
~~Why did this chick just yell "Wassup Mi" and flash me a quick smile
~~Now, I know, I just know I did not see a grill up in this bytch's mouth
~~You work the information desk for the entire building
~~which houses big time movers and shakers, at that
~~You deal with the public all day every day
~~You ARE the first impression chica.. and you are white at that!
~~I just know I don't see a dayum grill in your mouth

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Leave The Game Playin' to the kiddies

So, I was talking to my co-worker today (yes, I am back at work and hating every minute of it. I am so ready to retire, but since I am not anywhere near retirement age, I'll take the next best thing and become a kept woman...anyone want to keep me? lol) But anyway, my co-worker was telling me that she is going to divorce her husband. Truth be told, I think it is because she just recently got promoted and now that she makes more money than he does(How much more? I have no idea) she thinks he is not good enough for her. She says she doesn't THINK that is the reason (keyword here is think) and even if it is, she also thinks that he is too weak. I told her that she better think twice because there are plenty of women ready and willing to fill her shoes. She says she really doesn't care and then she tells me that she and the hubby were conversing and he asked her if she was seeing anyone. She told him yes, and he then asked if they were sleeping together. Again, she said "Yes" and just to add more fuel to the fire, she also told him and I quote "And it was damn good too." Just like a bish to rub salt in the wound, isn't it? My jaw was damn near on the floor because I know for a fact that this is a good man. I also know the things that she did to get this man and now she wants to complain because a muthaplucka is too nice or weak as she put it? But anyway, she was pissed because this man did nothing... had virtually no reaction(at all) to her admission of guilt. I told her that maybe he was just tired of the bullshit. Not everyone is into game playing or maybe he is just as tired of you as your are of him. She said "Yeah, but most men would've smacked their woman if she said something like that" and I said "Is that what you want? Him to beat your ass over it?" She said "No" and I said "Well really, what could he do? Yeah, he could've beat your ass up and down the block but really, would that change anything?" I thought about it some and if it were me and my man told me that shit, I'd probably say "Okay" and keep it moving. Why act a fool and get pissed off over something that you have no control over and can't do anything about? Shoot, if a dude don't want you he don't want you and the same goes for a woman. The only thing left to do is "Be out" and move on with your life. I swear, some women really love drama! Always complaining about not being able to find a man and when they get one, "He's too nice, he's too weak" or some other lame excuse of why the relationship cannot be. Puhleeeze, miss me with the bullshit. I was listening to Michael Baisden yesterday on my way home from work and he posed these questions: Do women want a roughneck? Do nice guys really finish last? When I was in my teens I was a subscriber to the "Too nice" thing too but as I've matured, I have come to realize that nothing good can come of a relationship with a rough neck, thug, or whatever they are calling themselves these days. I would've run over the nice guy (literally) just to get to the thug. Something about the type, I found exciting(still do), but now give me the nice guy anyday. As for the co-worker, she is dead set on leaving her man and I advised her to give it plenty of thought before she sets the wheels in motion because the grass on the other side of the fence may be just as dried out and wilted as your own lawn. As for him, happiness and living well is the best revenge. I know she would be sick about it if she ever saw him with another chick on his arm.

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Ring The Alarm

Yeah yeah, I know I've missed a few days but I needed each and every one of them to recup from that pawty I went to. The Cristal and Moet was flowing freely and my dumb behind felt the need to drink until I couldn't drink anymore. On top of that (since I'm really a beer girl at heart) I was mixing it with the liquor and well ya'll know where I ended up. Hugging that porcelain throne. I mean dayum, I haven't been like that since my college years and I never ever want to get like that again. My head was thumping for 2 days straight and I couldn't really tell ya what else happened that night. I didn't really see any celebs. A few rappers and a couple of ballers (couldn't tell ya who they were ) but anyway, that's that.

So Beyonce's second video was released... "Ring The Alarm." (check it out below if you haven't already)


Despite the Carmen Jones-esque rapping/screaming/singing delivery(and Ya'll know I'm talking abpout her MTV performance and not the performance of Ms. Dorothy Dandrige),I kind of like the song. All I want to know is WTF did Jay do to Bey or is it "Sasha" this time? I mean dayum!!! He must've put the "jammy" on her and now he got her going crazy... threatening peeps and thangs. She may as well have gone on and said Rhianna's name since we all know that is who this little ditty is directed at (don't act like ya'll haven't heard the rumors and buzz about Jay and Rhi Rhi) I ain't mad at ya Bey though. That's yo shyt girl, g'wan and claim your man. Let them other hoes know what's really up!! I don't know who comes up with the concept for her videos because lately they have been a bit wack and lacking. Okay Okay, I am seeing a hint of a Basic Instinct theme but yet and still, Bey needs to stick to sangin ' and leave the videos to the pros if this video vision was all her. Let someone else come up with a story line, concept, theme or something. Because those random spastic shots ain't gonna get it. The bish looks good (as always) and It's a step up from Dejavu but come on now, is that really saying much?



Oh, one more thing since I missed my Flava of Love update. I'm so fuckin' glad that spunkeey is gone! That hatin' ass bish needed to be gone with the quickness and I got my wish. I mean dayum! There ain't that much hating in the world but somehow that corny chick managed to slam every other female on the show. I 'm glad Flava saw through her gimmick and sent the hoe packing..but I gotta give it to her though. She played her role to the hilt... even conjoured up some fake ass tears to boot..but alas her 3.5 seconds of fame are up so ummm...Spunkeey(aka Maria Dunbar),You are the weakest link..... Buhbye Bish!!!

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Decisions, Decisions!

Let me preface this post by saying You wanna get cut? *pullin' out my blade* Then ask me how I did at the casino today! On the bright side, I am going to the grand opening of this club tonight. Yeah, yeah I know I should be getting ready but we aren't leaving until 11ish. My girl calls and says we need to be there because it's the place to be and it's been advertised as the "hot" new club. Because she is friends with a friend of the owner, we would most definitely get the VIP treatment(as if there is any other way). I'm getting excited and then I ask her what she is wearing, and this ho says an evening gown. Shooot, I was about to make it a jean night for real. I was thinking some skinny jeans, colorful cami and some stilettos until she tells me that the dress code is red carpet sexy...RED CARPET SEXY? WTF is that? I would most definitely be sexy in my jeans but who ever heard of red carpet sexy? What do they expect, a floor length ball gown with plunging neck and back lines and a swanky, sophisticated updo. I don't know. That threw a wrench in my whole plan now I have to come up with another ensem. I guess I can throw on a dress but I'll be damned if I wear an evening gown to a club opening, floor length one at that. Anyway, let me get off of here and ransack the closet for the perfect little dress.

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Will I ever Learn.

I posted yesterday about losing my money at the casino and one would think that would be lesson enough--- right? WRONG!!! I took my butt right on back there today and this time I lost $160. I don't know what is wrong with me. I was the only person who didn't win today and yes, I was pissed. I'm a hater!! I admit it and what? I was perfectly fine with my losing streak when I had my girl losing right along with me. Didn't matter that the two other people with me had their machines jingling and clinking like crazy. At least I wasn't the only one losing. About 5 minutes before we were about to leave, my girl won $241+ dollars, on the 2 cent slot machine no less. I wanted to be happy for her, I really did but dayum, why couldn't that be me...ya know? I wanted to at least win back the money that I threw away on my frivolous spending spree(ie. I don't have shyt to show for it and don't even know what I spent it on). AAh well, I may as well close out the week day with a bang and hit up the casino one mo 'gin just to see if my luck has changed any. Ya'll wish me luck and if I win, I might throw a few dollars your way...*wink*

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Dayum Right I find It Offensive!

So today I get a call asking if I want to go out to the casino. I have nothing else planned for today so I say what the hell. Should've stayed my ass right at home because a sista came back broke as hell. Good thing I left all my cards,(credit and banking) in my other purse because those slots were calling me, you hear me? I'm off work until the 18th because I was supposed to keep right on traveling after my weekend jaunt but the rest of the crew is broke. I haven't quite gotten ballsy enough to go on holiday by my lonesome just yet. I figure that I would need at least one other person with me that I can talk shit with. I'm working on the crew though. Hopefully we can do something within the states since out of the country is a no go. Where ever we go, I would like to drive but they would want to fly. I figure it would cost about $300-$400 in gas driving but the benefit of being able to take myself where ever I may fancy once I get there will be well worth it. They would like to fly because it may be cheaper and,of course, you'd get there quicker but a diva like myself is always down for road trippin'.


I know ya'll are probably thinking "What the hell does that have to do with being offended?" I'm getting to that right now. I went with an aquaintance to pick up the kid at summer day camp. I'm sitting in the car waiting for them to come out and this little girl comes running out the door and straight outside the fence (now the fence doesn't have a door on it--it is sort of 2 long fences with a sidewalk in between) The mother comes out with another child and starts yelling to her daughter to "get back here" the daughter comes running back and she tells her that she is not to go past the line because someone could take her. (I'm still in my car looking at them and listening) so she continues to talk to her and then she squats down to her child's level, directly in front of my car(in front of my open window) and don't you know this bitch points directly at me and tells her child that a stranger like this lady will take you.(now I know you are thinking "oh no that bitch didn't and my response would be "oh yes that bitch did". I think that warranted a face to face so I get out of my car and say "Miss, I am not in the business of taking other peoples children." She starts to say something but I cut her off and say "Now I understand the importance of talking to your children about strangers and running off and things but for you to point directly at me and tell your child that this lady will take her is rude and offensive. I have not, nor will I ever feel the need to take someones elses child and I damn sure don't want yours. That's why it's best that you save those types of talks for the privacy of your own home. It took everything in me not to call her out of her name but I kept it civil and held my tongue. She apologized and said that she meant nothing by it and she also said that she was sorry, to wich I responded "As you should be!" Although I couldn't hear everything she said (I saw her point and heard the part about me) I wouldn't have put it past her not to have told her child to be wary of the niggers because they will take her. (Yes, she was white in case you are wondering) but that really makes no difference at all. She could've been African American, Asian, Hispanic or what have you and I still would've had the same reaction. Rudeness is rudeness no matter race, color, creed, or class and with me, always, ALWAYS unacceptable. *stepping down off of my soapbox*

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A few flicks from my weekend jaunt

As short of a jaunt as it was, I still managed to take a few pics and you better not say anything about my pic-taking skills either because ya girl never claimed to be a master photog. I really had my heart set on taking a couple of photosgraphs inside the civil rights museum but alas, it was not meant to be as cameras, camera phones,camcorders and the like were prohibited. The museum was an eye opener and some of the sights could've definitely brought out the bish in a negra if her heart wasn't in the right place. Just a few flicks. (click the bottom right hand corner to flip through the album in case you didn't know)

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Fla-vor Flaaaaav!!! Yeahhhh Boyyyyyy!

What we all have been waiting for has finally arrived. Yes, That is right, the second season of Flavor OF Love aired yesterday on VH1 and it did not disappoint! If you are unfamiliar with the show(what planet are you on?), it stars Flavor Flav (Hype man for the rap group Public Enemy) and a slew of women vying for his affections. Each week, Flavor spends time with the women (personally and in groups) dating, taking them places, putting them to the test and at the end of each week several women are eliminated. Those who are chosen to stay, are presented with a big ass clock(ala Flav's trademark) and it starts all over until one woman is left standing to ride off into the sunset with Mr. Flava. Last season was plaqued with golddiggers galore and the winner, MS. HOOPZ(gold digging, fame-seeking,thirsty chick),

ended up leaving Flavor as soon as the cameras stopped rolling. She was all about the money and her 15 minutes of fame (and believe me that bish got her money's worth.)leaving Flav no choice but to try his hand at love again.

On to this week's episode. The girls are clamoring to meet Flav and as expected there is a wide variety for him to choose from. Flav didn't seem to have the same enthusiasm as last year, but he had quite a mix ranging from the attractive,("Krazy", "Deelishis", "Beatuful" "Buckeey", "Nibblz", "Tiger", "Bootz" Payshintz", "Spunkeey",) to the ""unpretty ("Somethin","Like Dat", "H-town","Wire") just to name a few. The stand outs are "Buckwild", the self proclaimed crazy black chick (although she is obviously white, I would agree and say that she is indeed, The blackest white chick you would ever want to meet.) "Toastee"(named because she obviously likes to get her drink on as evidenced by the fact that the chick was "lit" as soon as the first bottle was cracked open.) "Spunkeey", (the hater of the group.) Yes, she is an attractive female but lacking in self confidence and esteem because this bish had a negative comment to say about everyone in the house. Not to mention the fact that she is an obvious lover of drama and a trick (not in the whorish sense as we haven't had a chance to see that side yet) but in the sense that she is already running back to Flav tattling on some of the girls) "Nibblz"( who has a hellified lisp which Flavor likens to that of Mr. Mike Tyson---she's also a self proclaimed ear biter as well), "Somethin",( the "Big Girl" with mucho attitude who speaks her mind and keeps it R-E-A-L) they are also the Bi/lesbians of the house. They lick clit and aren't ashamed to say so! "EYEZ", (Flavor's personal spy who was sent to get the low -low on the girls and report back to Flav to help weed out the diggaz, hoes, and fame seeking chicks) and "Like Dat", the supersized mama (with the super sized breastis to match who talks a good game but doesn't really have the looks to back it up (which is shallow as hell, I know but that's Hollywood for ya.)

This episodes starts off with a bang!! After meeting and naming the girls, Flav sends them to pick a bed knowing that there are more women than beds. H-town (white chick and a Black chick) are squabbling over the beds which the black chick appeared to have gotten to first. H-town then proceeds to take the black chick's flowers and throw them at her hitting her in the face and that was all she wrote. MS. Black chick went off and pushed her and then had her in a headlock pounding her in her head and all I could hear was "Ouch!, No! Get off of me!" H-town received a thorough Ass whupping that day.( feel free to view said asswhuppin' below)


Flav , upon hearing the ruckus, is quick to let the girls know that his show is not the Flavor Springer show and he ain't having it in his crib. He then summons each member involved in the smackdown to his quarters to get each of their stories separately (peep the aftermath below)

Flavor then reveiwed the tape which showed that both girls were obvious liars but he still chose to kick the black chick off ( it's a shame too because she would've made for great TV )and while doing so, the white chick seemed to regain enough courage to talk shit galore knowing that Flav's right hand man was there to hold old girl back. After the melee, the girls continue to drink and try to spend some one-on-one time with Flav. During the eliminations Flav revealed his spy and chose 12 ladies to keep (some based on the reccommmendations of EYEZ, his spy,) and presented them with ginormous clocks. After the ladies who weren't chosen("Choclate", "Hood", "H-Town", "Bama and the blackest white chick, "Buckwild") left, the ladies and Flav start to smell something. The stench is horrid and while trying to figure out the source of it, Flav views the tape and sees one of the girls, dip out of the frame for a few and then return. They also see her going up the stairs. A few minutes later one of the girls also goes upstairs and sees a pile of shit on the steps(that's right yall, real live doodoo,dookey,turds,crap,mess or whatever you want to call it). Flav is rather puzzled as they don't have any dogs in the house and noticing that "Somethin" is the only girl not present but missing,they deem her the obvious culprit. They go upstairs, where "Somethin" is in the restroom(that bitch better be cleaning herself up thoroughly) and Flav knocks on the door while the other ladies are giggling and talking shit. "Somethin" peeks out and takes responsibility for shitting on herself (without the least bit of shame I might add. Now that's a real Bish there) and trailing it up the stairs saying "yeah I did it but I had to go, I tried to hold it but my stomach was like bitch, you got me fucked up." Flav handles it like a pro. It was obvious that he was a little "shitty" at her but he respected her gangsta in the fact that she kept it real which was rather refreshing in the midst of a plethora of obvious fake beeyatches! I was wondering how this season would fair. They needed to come hard to top last season's drama with New York and Punkin and as expected Flavor and the girls did not disappoint!! I'll definitely be watching this season, You be sure to check it out if you can!

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Bo knows, But this chick didn't--until it was too late!

Why is it that whenever I leave town, I am filled with such dread and despair upon my return?( well maybe those words are too harsh but a girl is seriously hating to come back home to the same old, same old) I absolutely hate coming back and I had such a good time too. Of course,the fact that I had to get up at 4:00 in the A.M. in order to meet my ride at 5:30 so I could catch my 7:30 A.M. flight could've had something to do with it. While I'm waiting for the plane to arrive so that I can board, I notice some luggage sitting off to the side unattended.(like I stated in a previous post, this sista here, doesn't miss a beat. I notice everything and everyone) The disabled passengers and families with small children have already boarded and it's time for the remaining passengers to board. Still, no one claims the luggage so a few passengers start to board and then all of the sudden, a man comes running up and he is none other than Bo Jackson. (Although he looked familiar, I couldn't really place the face until the end of the flight) but I say to him "So that's who this luggage belongs to" and he responds "Yes, now did you take all that money out that I had in there" and I said "I sure did, but I was careful to leave you a couple of dollars just in case you find yourself in need." He says "Thanks for making it lighter for me and I say "Any time gorgeous, Any time" He boards and heads for the final rows in the rear of the plane, I sit a little more toward the front. At some point during the flight, he comes and sits beside me and we strike up a silly convo with him never letting on who he is. By silly, I mean more of a joking banter back and forth like the exchange about the luggage we had earlier. He returns to his seat a little before we land but not before telling me that he enjoyed "shootin' the breeze with me" and I replied "likewise." All the while,I'm still trying to figure out where I know this man from. All of a sudden it hits me, those "Bo knows" commercials run through my head and I'm like "That's it! He looks like Bo Jackson" but because this man looked extrememly young(he's actually 44 but looked much younger with a tight and fit body) and I vaguely remember his commericals airing around the same time OJ was running through the airport for Hertz, I dismissed that thought for the time being. I deboard and hit the restroom and as I'm exiting, I see him running (guess he was running a bit late) through the concourse and I yell out "I knew you looked familiar" and then I said "Bo Knows" and he starts to laugh and then says "Gotcha! Hey, what's your name and number? Now I'm not above a bit of ghettoness every now and then, but shouting out my name and number in a crowded airport in an attempt to get a retired athlete to call was a bit much so I played it off like I didn't hear him and kept it moving. Too bad for him. lol! Maybe I should brush up on my ballers (players) so I can have some sort of inkling the next time one should cross my path!*wink*

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Can a bish be any less discreet?

I just returned from my lunch date with the guy that I previously posted about, the guy whom (while in my inebriated state)almost got me to commit cardinal sin number 1: leaving the club with a stranger for a night of pure raw, unadulterated, unbridled intercourse) Well anyway, we've met up on our lunch breaks before to dine together but this time was much more post worthy. By the way, my lunch was delicious *still licking my lips*. I had the grilled salmon with asparagus spears (yum yum) and an iced white tea lightly sweetened. It sure did hit the spot, I think I may stop by when I get off and pick up a duplicate for dinner since it is too hot to even begin to think about cooking. But anyway, we meet about a block from the place and walk over together. I may or may not have mentioned this before but this man is smart, sexy, good looking and most importantly EMPLOYED which equals PAID in his line of work! He's not really my type but I sense that we are well on our way to establishing a pretty cool friendship. While we're dining and conversing, I see these two broads at the table across from us staring my date up and down. Now, I'm not totally opposed to this because like I mentioned before, I can most definitely appreciate the attractiveness of a member of the opposite sex (shoot the same sex for that matter) but could them bitches at least be tactful about it. Everytime I look up, their eyes are on my table and my date. As we all know, Men are totally oblivious to such blatant ogling and the like ( How many times have you told a member of the male species that a certain female is trying to get at him and he says "Nah", "We're just friends" " She has a man" until one day she is so obvious about putting the moves on him (even to the point of getting butt ass naked and ready to spread 'em as soon as an opportunity arises)that he can no longer live in denial. Me, more times than I can count. The men in my family can be unbelieveably clueless at times. But anyway, I tell him that I think he has some stans or at the very least some admirers to which he replied. "Mi, you're crazy, they aren't thinking about me) I let it go and continue to enjoy lunch. We finish and I go to the restroom to fix myself up a bit , you know check to make sure there is no asparagus stuck in my teeth, refresh my MAC( don't even think to ask what MAC is, because if you don't know, you betta ask a diva) and give the hair a fluff or two. Anyway, as I'm heading back to the table, he is in the process of paying for our meal and I see the waitress give him a piece of paper. Small, albeit, but this sista here doesn't miss a thang!! I slow up a bit to time my arrival with her departure, then have a seat. I ask him what was that the waitress had given him and he shows it to me. The name scrawled on the torn napkin was Tamika and since our waitress was the whitest white girl one could possibly be, I knew it was from the stans across the way. Which one didn't matter but anyway, the waitress returns his card to him, I pick up my handbag and we start to walk out. On our way out, I head straight for the two chicks' table, walk up to them and say "Gorgeous isn't he?" and wink at one of the girls. She puts on a phony smile and smirks when I proceed to drop the number on the table and tell her unfortunately he won't be needing this because he is with me. I return her same phony smile and smirk, then head on out the door with my date in tow. Don't really know ( or give a fuck about how she reacted or what she had to say)I was out the door not giving them beyatches a second thought or glance. Don't really care what he thought either. All he could say was You are crazy!! Yeah it was sort of bold as we aren't together but I see it like this, you belong to me while we are together be it friend, lover, FB, or what.

Under the circumstances, I think a big, old, all inclusive"FUCK U" is warranted:



And a hefty "FUCK U" to the stan who couldn't seem to control her wandering eyes today at lunch!

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A lil' Sumpin' sumpin' for the shoe whores out there!!

If you are anything like me, you will absolutely *heart* these shoes! I am a tried and true shoe whore. They are my passion, just like frangances! (yeah, I'm a fragrance whore as well) I was doing what a diva does best and that is shopping, (online) because a bish cannot be out in the midst of this heatwave. It's 101 today (and climbing no doubt) but anyway, I came across this awesome site. Unfortunately they have no store in my city but thank God for the Internet!!! But anyway, This designer has tastes that mirror my own. I'm an eclectic type of chick. I'm not opposed to creating my own style and wearing some off-the wall shyt and not giving a dayum. When I saw these shoes I fell in love *drool*. Especially the first pair (which I commented on in the photo). This shoe is aptly named "The Porn" because you will feel like a tried and true whore when every man is walking around lusting after you after peeping your shoe game. These shoes are a steal ranging from $49.99 -$74.99 (ladies we know you can fend for yourself but still, make that man pay haha!) He'll love looking at your feet in "The Porn" while your legs are up on his shoulders and he is giving it to ya good(at least I hope he is), Besides, You are worth it!!. Enjoy Bishes!

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Keep Yourselves

So, I was watching some reruns of Making The Band when I was appalled at the fact that Andrea, (one of the band members) was actually losing sleep over a dude. Man up girl and get with the program. You are about to blow-up (Of course, it's a long shot being that they are involved with Puffy, the career killa, but hopefully it will happen for you) I mean that chick called her man just about every hour on the hour, but what I found even more incredulous, was the fact that this man never had time to talk to her. He was either in the studio (he's a supposed producer), on the way to the club, out with his boys, had people waiting for him and blase' blah. The poor girl was practically begging this guy to talk to her only for a few minutes and he couldn't (or wouldn't) do that. Now during this episode I can say that she called him at least 6 times wth him never having more than 2 to 3 minutes (if that) to talk to her. Fast forward a bit, she calls and this man has the nerve to get on her for not calling him the previous night (she fell asleep). Now from the very first time she called him I'm dayum near shouting at the Tele "drop that nigga girl, he's up to no-good" But I was literally speechless when this guy actually broke up with her for not calling. Now you and I both know that this nigga was probably fucking around from the time she hopped on a plane to Miami and that was just the perfect opportunity and (excuse for him to drop her) but dayum mayun, at least be honest? Why is it that we females become so consumed by our relationships? I mean our relationships become our lives and pretty soon we end up losing ourselves. We want to eat, sleep, and breathe that nigga that we know don't mean us a bit of good. We make sure we're home because he "might" call and the keyword here is "Might". We get mad when he doesn't and end up calling him trying to find out where he was last night and with whom and why he didn't call? He tells us he doesn't love us anymore and we lock ourselves in our rooms, eating ice-cream and crying our eyes out and for what? I say fuck that nigga? That's right, I said it, say it with me, FUCK DAT NIGGA!!" Take your game to the next level and make sure that man knows that you are the number 1 priority in all instances and he is dayum lucky to have you. He doesn't call, so what? Don't bombard him with 20 questions about why, where, and when, but instead, make him feel like he wasn't even missed. Let him know that he dayum sure can be NEXTED if he continues to fuck up. Go on about your life, if you have plans, keep them, don't alter them because dude might show up. You are wayyy more important than that. Start putting yourselves first and let him get in where he fits in. Never let a plain dude (or any dude for that matter) rule your world because you are running thangz around here. Always remember that!




Speaking of Danity Kane(that's the name of the Making The Band group), Wassup with that CD Photo? Why can't the black chicks ever get a chance to be front and center. Why do they have ugly Aubrey in the middle like the bitch really can sing? Like Ms. Jones said "only 3 of ya'll bitches can sing" and those three would be Dawn, Aundrea, And D woods (and even she is iffy). If I was D woods(aka Juanita), I would be pissed. All of them other bitches get to show skin and they got her covered up like she is the mama of the group. Not only that, but they got her ass off in the background like she isn't even really a part of Danity Kane. She's stepping on the opposite foot as everyone else looking like they just threw her ass in the photo as an after thought. She better get on Puff about that so he can correct it before their album debuts.

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Summa Daze, Summa Daze!!!

I have really gotten summer fever, so much so that a sista played hooky from work today to lounge pool side and chill. Unfortunately, I picked the wrong day because it was 100 today. Nobody should be out in this heat but I carried my butt to the pool anyway. Water felt good!!!! Usually it takes me a while to get used to the chill of the water but because it was so hot, I dove right in. I brought my book(Still Sheisty), my hat, my shades, my sunscreen(a Diva's best friend) and my water bottle and a sister was maxin' and relaxin'. Was enjoying the water and my solace until these 4 clowns (I.E. wanna be mack daddies) invaded my space. Why is it that a man will not take "NO" for an answer? These guys continued to get on my nerves. Sitting by me, singing, trying to strike up convos, touching my shit, and doing whatever else they could think of to keep my attention. I finally had to break out the bitch and get rude with them so there would be no mistaking that I wanted to be by my dayum self. I told them that I was there to relax and unwind and judging by the looks of them (there were 4 ) that there was nothing that they could do for me financially, or in the bedroom (had to include the dick since that is there magic answer to everything)so they may as well take their broke down behinds on to the next chick. Yeah, they called me all kinds of bitches to which I politely responded with a "Thank You" while shooing their trifling asses out of my space. Sometimes ladies, ya'll know that we just have to take it there because these men simply refuse to take "NO" for an answer. I really hate to go the rude route as that is not me-- Really it isn't, but some folks just are not satisfied until you bring the "Bish" out!!

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STFU!! Will ya?

FWB is getting on my last damn nerve! Why is this grown ass man whining and bitching in my ear. I do not have time for this bull! Look nukka, you are not my man and I don't owe you a dayum thing! Don't get me wrong now, I do enjoy your company, and I find you sexy as hell and you MOST definitely puts it down when it's time, but did you forget that we decided a while ago that we wouldn't put a label on our "relationship". We both decided that we didn't want or need to answer to anybody and we'd be together when we're together. Why in the hell are you trying to change the game plan, Now? I wanted a one on one relationship but YOU weren't ready so now that I'm in agreement, you want to be exclusive? Ain't that just like a man? Don't call me on my job whining because I ignored you last week when I had company and now I am going out tonight and you still haven't seen me. DO you Bruh!!! DO you!!! We are friends, I AM NOT YOUR WIFE!!! *end rant* Anyway, I am going out for Mojitos and Sushi tonight ( I really hate sushi but decided to give it another try. I had the california roll the last time and I was not a happy camper)and I haven't a clue what to wear, comfy casual, sexy casual,dressy, or jean it up? There's going to be a rather large group of us (guys and gals lol) lemme call up T and see what she is wearing. I don't really want to wear jeans, maybe I'll throw on a cute lil dress. Nothing too tight or too sexy though, don't want to steal anybody's shine haha.

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Alternative Lifestyle living folk, Whodathunk?

Okay, so my company has come and gone and me feeling a little bored last night decided to hit up the gay club scene. Now you know it wasn't my idea, only one person could come up with something so out-of-the box for me and that person is none other than my girl Jazzy. Of course I was like "Hell to the naw" ( Thanks Whit for my new catch phrase) but listening to her bitching and moaning all night would've driven me mad. She said that if I went, I wouldn't regret it because it is so much fun. I gave in and she calls up "Delicious" (yeah I know it's cliche right? Every gay male has to be named Peaches, Delicious or some other outlandish mess) and lets him know that we are on our way and will meet him at the club. Anyway we get there and the club is jumping. Mostly men, as would be expected, but there was a decent amount of females there as well. These men were fine, I tell ya, FIONE!! What a fuckin' waste of a big dick. All that gorgeousness going to waste. Now there were some obvious flamers but there were also a good mix of the thuggish, ruggish bones too. I mean save for the fact that I was in a gay club, I wouldn't have been able to tell that the coochie had no power in their midst( and I am one who always prided herself on her "gaydar".) Anyway, it was rather refreshing to be able to dance, get my drink on and socialize without having to worry about every man who thinks his game is tight trying to get with me. I ended up having a blast. The gay folk really know how to Pawtay and dare I take it a step further and say, you haven't really partied until you've been to a gay club. I mean we danced and sipped and danced some mo'. Delicious is a straight up nut and his clique/crew is even worse. They had me dancing on the bar and what not but I loved every minute of it. I had a few chicks trying to hit on me but I let them know with the quickness that I was all about the dick. This one chick approached me and she was gorgeous and her game wasn't as weak as I expected. Ya'll know, one of them slick mouth sistas. (Yeah, I can appreciate the beauty in a woman but I really don't think that I could ever go that route) but had there been an inkling of curiosity in me though, I would've given ol' girl about an hour or two lol. I really and truly enjoyed myself. I haven't partied like that in a minute and I didn't give a damn about my hair, make-up smudging, sweat or anything. I was just there to have fun, dance, drink, mingle. and release some pent up stress lol. One thing I did notice was that they just do not give a fuck either. No fakeness or pretenses whatsoever. I like that vibe. Anyway after that we stopped at IHOP, (Delicious and crew in tow), got our grub on and then I headed for home. I know my behind did not need to be out partying like it was 2009 when I had to go to work in the morning but hell, I'm young and you only live once, am I right? I exchanged phone numbers with Delicious and although he is Jazzy's friend, we clicked big time. I'mma steal him away from her lol . He's fly, fierce and crooked as hell so you know I'll be having lots of stories to tell. Hey that rhymed. lol

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Whew. Busy Busy Me!

I have been so busy lately. I had relatives in from out-of-town and I have been running and spending like mad. I've been to the casinos just about everyday this week, eating at the buffets and losing my money lol. Well, my last day I did win my money back. I took about 90 dollars and when I got down to my last 20 I won it all back (playing the penny slots) except for $10. At least I came back with something so it's cool. I've been eating out a lot too. I told my guests that we sure have been eating too much and they said not really. Yes, we've been eating out damn near everyday but most of the time, that was the only meal that we would eat so I guess it all balances out. They will be gone tomorrow morning and it's back to the old grind for me. I love having out-of-town guests, It's fun taking them around the city and doing things that I wouldn't normally do but I'd much rather be the one doing the visiting. I will be on my vacay next month and I cannot wait,WhoooHOOO!!!

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Who am I you ask?

I AM:

~~A wearer of strappy heels,figure flattering 'fit and well manicured/pedicured parts
~~Mildly obsessed with intoxicating fragrances, matt lipsticks, juicy tubes, and
exfoliation
~~Open minded, honest, loyal, generous to a fault(but in no way stupid or naive)
~~Down for my peeps, my family, my friends, and my man
~~Viewer of various perspectives, all the while being overtly introspective
~~Ironic, sometimes a walking contradiction.
~~Avoider of controversy, forseer of "drama" Yet in no wise clairvoyant.
~~Trusting,yet suspicious
~~As real as they come
~~Femininity personafied,yet prone to handle my shyt whenever the need may arise
~~a daughter,sister,lady,friend,lover,confidant and such a girl.
~~Your muse as well as your vice ~wink~
~~A cultivator of new ideas, a doer and a thinker.
~~Vain yet modest, vulnerable yet confident.
~~A dream and at times your worst nightmare
~~But always, I AM:

A WOMAN!!!!

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Bey Bey Bey. Hated it!

So, the much talked about video from tam Bey-Z finally debuted Wednesday. Yes, that's right folks, the video for Deja Vu is here! I can say that I wasn't really feeling it too much. First of all, the majority of the outfits, were monstrosities. Pin-stripes, big peasant blouses, come on now? We understand that you need to advertise for House of Dereon but you and I both know that most of the designer wear they sell is nothing more than over-priced garbage. The jeans are cool and a few of the tops but I'm going to really need Ms. Tina to get some designer inspiration STAT! Secondly, The locations were cool. Loved the swamp/Bayou feel and of course, Jay-z is always good, but Bey on the other hand, dancing and shaking like she was having a canniption could've done much better. Who told her she could dance? I mean really? Her spastic movements along with shaking and shimmying does not a dancer make? A megastar like her should've been in dance classes ASAP. Aayway, if You haven't already, you can check it out on MTV'S Overdrive.

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I've been a bad, bad, girl but fuck it. ladies is pimps too go on and brush yo shoulder off.

I really don't know what in the heck has come over me. AN ex,not THE ex called me out of the blue and wanted to see if I wanted to go to the show (movies) with him. I didn't have any other plans and I knew that a movie always included dinner afterwards so I said why not? I get off work and throw on some jeans and a halter and my pumps and wait for dude. He shows up and I open the door and let me tell ya'll this man was looking fine as hayel!!! One look at him and my legs started getting weak and my pussy wet. All of a sudden I didn't feel like going out anymore I just wanted to stay in and feel this man inside me,10 toes in the air and legs wrapped around his back. I tell him that I really didn't feel like going out after all and suggested we rent a movie and watch it at my spot. A nugga is always down for some action so of course he was with it. We go get some movies, I got Love Jones. He never saw it before (and with any luck he would be missing it again) and he got some kind of scary shit. While we're there, I suggest stopping to get some take-out and he says no, he wants to cook( this man can throw down in the kitchen too) so we head to the grocery store and he picks up the ingredients he needs to whip up some chicken marsala. Ok ya'll that meal was slammin'. Along with the chicken marsala, we had pasta,asparagus an a cheese cake for dessert. After that we hit the couch and I put in the movie. We're laying back chillin' sippin on some JD twisted and I lay my head in his lap. He starts stroking my hair then rubbin' on my chests and then I reach up and pull him down to me (by his neck) and we start kissing. Next thing I know, clothes come off and I am bouncing on that dick riding the hell out of it like that damn dick was going to disappear in 2 and 2. Damn that was some good shit too. Afterwards it was kind of awkward because deep down I wanted to tell him to get the fuck up and go home but I allowed him to spend the obligatory night. It was good at the time but that is so not me. Why did he have to show up looking and smellin all good and shit? Anyway that's my little "Ho" moment. Just thought I'd share.

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The ex has been blowing up my spot bigtime. I can't really say that we ever really kept in contact consistently but lately he's been calling a lot. The first call was unexpectedly out of the blue. He was thinking about me( so he says) and wanted to see what I was up to. Okay, that's cool. We had a nice convo, reminisced, talked about our relationship, He thanked me and told me how much I meant to him back then and blase' blah. He says he would like to see me(mind you ...not to try to get with me but just to see an "old friend".) Says I can stay with him or he can come and see me. I said I don't know about that. He tried to feign being hurt that I wouldn't want to see him again,which isn't exactlyw hat I said. I just said that I didn't know about that. But anyway, I have talked to him about 3 or 4 times in the past two weeks which is really saying a lot. I wonder what is up with him? He told me he doesn't have a girlfriend when he first called, preferring to refer to her only as "my baby mama" which in laymens terms translates to yes, she had my child, yes we are still fucking even though I don't claim her as my woman to other females.I really don't mind him calling although I don't think that I would ever get back together with him. That's a part of my life that is best left in the past. We can be friends all day every day but as for anything more, I don't think so (but I've learned to never say never.)

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Must haves for sexy, single divas

Yeah, I'm supposed to be working but so what. I came in extra early today so I deserve this little bit of time to play around online and unwind, nahimean? Anyway, I've been shopping up a storm lately. Yes, I'm a budget fashionista, diva on a budget , champagne taste on a beer budget or what have you. I'm thrifty and I'm not ashamed to say it. I'm always on the lookout for a good deal or bargain so if any of you can help a chick out Holla!!! Hell, why pay full price when I can find it cheaper on sale. I've been trying to get my summer wardrobe together, get all the pieces I need to ensure that I will have a fabulous summer but while I was doing that, I started thinking of other things so here it is:

My top 10 things every single girl must have aside from the perfect shade of mac lipstick and the fuck me dress and shoes.







1. A fabulous photo of yourself We all have that photo: The one where your smile looks great , hair is on point , and your body is bangin'. You are the total package and you know that if you just walked down the street looking like that you would have all of the men drooling for days. Maybe it was a surprise shot taken by a friend or you got the flic taken at glamour shots, who the hell cares as long as you know you look good in it. Post that sucker at eye level on your fridge, in your wallet, on the dashboard or mirror of your car, hell get a 20 by 30 framed portrait made and hang that bytch up in the foyer or above your bed. You want every man, woman and child that comes in contact to know that you look damn good! You may also need to take a gander at it when your confidence may be low due to a bad hair day or whatever. You are fabulous and you should always know it or at least be able to see it!
2. A slammin' pair of heels Admit it. you feel absolutely fabulous when you slip on a pair of nice heels. Struttin' and switching down the street feeling sexy as hell. I mean can't nobody tell you a damn thang. I know you know what I mean. The good news is that these days, you can transform virtually any outfit into night on the town ready by adding a nice pair of heels. Doesn't matter if you are sportin' jeans, skirt, shorts (yes, jeans and shorts are totally acceptable as an outfit especially on the club scene) gauchos, whatever... doesn't matter!! Put some heels on with that baby and you are ret' ta go. No, they don't have to be 4 or 5- inch stilettos, even a pair of 1-inch kitten heels will make you stride a little more confidently and don't mind the fact that you may not be able to walk in them. As long as you look good in them. You can just post up at the bar or at a table somewhere, legs crossed and work it mamis. (For the times when your dogs really get to barking in the heels) Always have a pair of comfortable shoes on hand or go barefoot if you must. Just make sure that when you are around the men you put the heels on and style, floss, and profile like crazy.
3. At least 4 good Cd's Hiphop, Mood music( you know the good baby making get your freak on type shyt),Jazz,and an off the wall type that usually doesn't fit your taste,you know, to show that eclectic side. What's one of the first places a guy peruses when he walks into a woman's home? Her music collection. Good for you if you have an extensive one, but if you are stuck in the 80's or 90's and your most up-to-date CD just happens to be by Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince, you might have some "splaining" to do. Update your collection pronto mamis. Preferably with a CD from each musical genre because one night you may be keeping company with a youngin' and the next day you may want to have his daddy over. You need to be able to accomodate all musical taste. Doesn't matter how young or old you are.. DO IT! You have no idea how relieved he'll be. It shows you have an open mind and are open to all types of music. Plus it wouldn't hurt to throw a raunchy hip hop Cd in the mix. You know the type with a lot of Fuck you's, bitches and hoe's. Doesn't matter if it doesn't get any play in your CD player but it does show that you aren't easily offended—and that's music to any man's ears.
4. A great pickup line... and a way to blow 'em off In this post-chivalrous period Ya'll know that we can't always depend on guys to initiate contact. The days are over when we see a fine looking man and let him slip through our fingers because he never got up the nerve to approach. If you aren't quite ballsy enough just yet to take matters into your own hands that's fine. You'll get there eventually, but in the mean time, down a few drinks and man up chica. In any event, prepare thyself with one simple, non-corny icebreaker to lay on that cutie who's making his way over to your area of the bar. My favorite: "Hi. Having fun?" Depending how blatant and forward you are ,you can also use, "Hetero, homo, DL or metro?"(yeah it's extremely forward but let's cut to the chase shall we, why waste time entertaining a man who may be more interested in the brotha standing behind you) For those moments when the guy initiates contact and you're just not that into him, better have a back-up plan to get rid of the buster and please ladies, come with something better than "Ummmm, no". "Sorry, I don't think my man would like or appreciate it." is always a good , polite let down ( Yeah, it may or may not be a lie but at least it'll let him save face in front of his boys as well as allow him to keep his astronomical ego in tact. It'll also keep you from becoming all kinds of bitches, lesbians, and hoes) but sometimes a chick needs to get ignorant for the men that just don't give a damn about you having a man. I'm sure you know the "what your man got to do with me?" " Ah fuck that nigga", "Where that nigga at then" type of man. For that type of persistent, refuse to take no for an answer guy you must and I'd like to reiterate, YOU MUST have something for his ass. I won't give you any lines as they can run the gamut. Crack on his outfit, his looks, teeth, jewelry, hair. breath, lack of funds, job, anything you can do to clown him and get him to move the hell on is fair game.
5. A six-pack of beer and a few bottles of champagne. A prepared single girl is always ready to host and toast at any time. Keep the brew on tap so you can have something to offer your man if and when you decide that he is worthy enough to visit your humble abode. Champagne or any liquor will do for the times you have little get togethers or just want to chill. Always have one unbelieveable, outrageously priced bottle of something. (this is for show only, just to let them know you have good expensive taste) Under no circumstances are any of your guests ever to crack open that bottle. In other words, They touch it, They die! If you are more thrifty and don't want to spend the money on a expensive bottle,visit a snazzy restaurant or bar and request the empty bottle. (Don't be ashamed girl) You can then fill it up with colored water and perpetrate to your hearts content! They'll never know, But if you are a true diva with your game intact, getting a real bottle of expensive bubbly should be no problem.
6. Bathroom reading What man doesn't appreciate finding interesting reading in his woman's bathroom? So instead of tossing out your magazines when you're done reading them, toss them into a basket by the toilet. No need to go overboard with a stack of Sports Illustrated especially if you don't follow sports,( that could get you into trouble when he starts asking you about players and their stats and you are left dazed and stuttering), but consider Newsweek, Cosmo,(hey, this may be the only time he's a captive audience and can learn a few things) or even a King or Stuff magazine (yeah let him know that you aren't threatened by beautiful women and you can even include your Fabulous photo from Number 1 in the mix). Or, just buy a book that's made for the bathroom, like Ever Wonder Why,Isaac Asimov's Book Of Facts,The Great American Bathroom Book or whatever floats your boat so that he can learn a few things while he passes the, uh, time.
7. A business card After the age of 21, it is no longer cute to scrawl your first name and phone number on a napkin and hand it to a man who wants to call you. Doesn't matter if you have no job (or business for that matter)or your job doesn't provide you with a business card. Maybe you would just prefer one with your personal email address and cell phone number on it, then have some made at your local Kinko's. If you are very thrifty or a budget diva/fashionista like myself, you can even get 250 full-color business cards for free from vistaprint.com if you don't mind the company's logo on the backside of the card. Hey, it's better than nothing and lets not forget the operative word here ladies. It's FREE!!!!!. A napkin he can lose, blow his nose on, wipe his ass,wipe his sweat away or any number of things, but a business card, he'll file and keep.
8. A straight male friend on your speed-dial for advice and another one for those inevitable booty calls, bustdowns or nights when you just need a lil' sumpin' sumpin' without the lip and commitments. No ties, no strings right? Every girl knows she needs a gay male friend she can go to for fashion advice , hair and makeup tips and one that will not lie when you ask "Does my ass look fat or Phat in these jeans?" (a personal Queer Eye of your own). But when it comes to relationship advice, you need another source. While your female friends may have good intentions (we all know that sometimes they may be on some jealousy, hatin' ass shit), if you really want to know if you should call that guy, let him hit it on the first night, introduce him to your kids, let him crash on the couch, pull some rug, or hit the sheets 3, 4 night in a row, save the guesswork and go to someone who's been there, done that. No one knows the mind of a man save for another man. He'll be honest and let you know what's really up!
9 and 10. (Yes, this counts as 2)A condom ( a few condoms) Preferably Magnums if applicable~wink~, Hey ladies, you know the drill by now. If you want to be able to have spontaneous fun of the bodily kind, you have to prepare for it yourself. You can't always count on him to have something in his back pocket, wallet,—or a 24-hour drugstore in route on the way home. Yeah, I know I stated preferably Magnums ( men always exaggerate their size and their ego may demand they use magnums even when it isn't necessary)but the truth is everyone is not packin' like that... so if you don't want you man looking like he is swimming in a 5 sizes too big windbreaker, it would behoove you to have a variety of sizes and flavors on hand. (Your new mantra: If you don't want it to break, (have holes poked in it, be outdated), you buy it.
And That concludes my Top 10 list of things every woman should have

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