My top 10 things every single girl must have aside from the perfect shade of mac lipstick and the fuck me dress and shoes.
1. A fabulous photo of yourself We all have that photo: The one where your smile looks great , hair is on point , and your body is bangin'. You are the total package and you know that if you just walked down the street looking like that you would have all of the men drooling for days. Maybe it was a surprise shot taken by a friend or you got the flic taken at glamour shots, who the hell cares as long as you know you look good in it. Post that sucker at eye level on your fridge, in your wallet, on the dashboard or mirror of your car, hell get a 20 by 30 framed portrait made and hang that bytch up in the foyer or above your bed. You want every man, woman and child that comes in contact to know that you look damn good! You may also need to take a gander at it when your confidence may be low due to a bad hair day or whatever. You are fabulous and you should always know it or at least be able to see it!
2. A slammin' pair of heels Admit it. you feel absolutely fabulous when you slip on a pair of nice heels. Struttin' and switching down the street feeling sexy as hell. I mean can't nobody tell you a damn thang. I know you know what I mean. The good news is that these days, you can transform virtually any outfit into night on the town ready by adding a nice pair of heels. Doesn't matter if you are sportin' jeans, skirt, shorts (yes, jeans and shorts are totally acceptable as an outfit especially on the club scene) gauchos, whatever... doesn't matter!! Put some heels on with that baby and you are ret' ta go. No, they don't have to be 4 or 5- inch stilettos, even a pair of 1-inch kitten heels will make you stride a little more confidently and don't mind the fact that you may not be able to walk in them. As long as you look good in them. You can just post up at the bar or at a table somewhere, legs crossed and work it mamis. (For the times when your dogs really get to barking in the heels) Always have a pair of comfortable shoes on hand or go barefoot if you must. Just make sure that when you are around the men you put the heels on and style, floss, and profile like crazy.
3. At least 4 good Cd's Hiphop, Mood music( you know the good baby making get your freak on type shyt),Jazz,and an off the wall type that usually doesn't fit your taste,you know, to show that eclectic side. What's one of the first places a guy peruses when he walks into a woman's home? Her music collection. Good for you if you have an extensive one, but if you are stuck in the 80's or 90's and your most up-to-date CD just happens to be by Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince, you might have some "splaining" to do. Update your collection pronto mamis. Preferably with a CD from each musical genre because one night you may be keeping company with a youngin' and the next day you may want to have his daddy over. You need to be able to accomodate all musical taste. Doesn't matter how young or old you are.. DO IT! You have no idea how relieved he'll be. It shows you have an open mind and are open to all types of music. Plus it wouldn't hurt to throw a raunchy hip hop Cd in the mix. You know the type with a lot of Fuck you's, bitches and hoe's. Doesn't matter if it doesn't get any play in your CD player but it does show that you aren't easily offended—and that's music to any man's ears.
4. A great pickup line... and a way to blow 'em off In this post-chivalrous period Ya'll know that we can't always depend on guys to initiate contact. The days are over when we see a fine looking man and let him slip through our fingers because he never got up the nerve to approach. If you aren't quite ballsy enough just yet to take matters into your own hands that's fine. You'll get there eventually, but in the mean time, down a few drinks and man up chica. In any event, prepare thyself with one simple, non-corny icebreaker to lay on that cutie who's making his way over to your area of the bar. My favorite: "Hi. Having fun?" Depending how blatant and forward you are ,you can also use, "Hetero, homo, DL or metro?"(yeah it's extremely forward but let's cut to the chase shall we, why waste time entertaining a man who may be more interested in the brotha standing behind you) For those moments when the guy initiates contact and you're just not that into him, better have a back-up plan to get rid of the buster and please ladies, come with something better than "Ummmm, no". "Sorry, I don't think my man would like or appreciate it." is always a good , polite let down ( Yeah, it may or may not be a lie but at least it'll let him save face in front of his boys as well as allow him to keep his astronomical ego in tact. It'll also keep you from becoming all kinds of bitches, lesbians, and hoes) but sometimes a chick needs to get ignorant for the men that just don't give a damn about you having a man. I'm sure you know the "what your man got to do with me?" " Ah fuck that nigga", "Where that nigga at then" type of man. For that type of persistent, refuse to take no for an answer guy you must and I'd like to reiterate, YOU MUST have something for his ass. I won't give you any lines as they can run the gamut. Crack on his outfit, his looks, teeth, jewelry, hair. breath, lack of funds, job, anything you can do to clown him and get him to move the hell on is fair game.
5. A six-pack of beer and a few bottles of champagne. A prepared single girl is always ready to host and toast at any time. Keep the brew on tap so you can have something to offer your man if and when you decide that he is worthy enough to visit your humble abode. Champagne or any liquor will do for the times you have little get togethers or just want to chill. Always have one unbelieveable, outrageously priced bottle of something. (this is for show only, just to let them know you have good expensive taste) Under no circumstances are any of your guests ever to crack open that bottle. In other words, They touch it, They die! If you are more thrifty and don't want to spend the money on a expensive bottle,visit a snazzy restaurant or bar and request the empty bottle. (Don't be ashamed girl) You can then fill it up with colored water and perpetrate to your hearts content! They'll never know, But if you are a true diva with your game intact, getting a real bottle of expensive bubbly should be no problem.
6. Bathroom reading What man doesn't appreciate finding interesting reading in his woman's bathroom? So instead of tossing out your magazines when you're done reading them, toss them into a basket by the toilet. No need to go overboard with a stack of Sports Illustrated especially if you don't follow sports,( that could get you into trouble when he starts asking you about players and their stats and you are left dazed and stuttering), but consider Newsweek, Cosmo,(hey, this may be the only time he's a captive audience and can learn a few things) or even a King or Stuff magazine (yeah let him know that you aren't threatened by beautiful women and you can even include your Fabulous photo from Number 1 in the mix). Or, just buy a book that's made for the bathroom, like Ever Wonder Why,Isaac Asimov's Book Of Facts,The Great American Bathroom Book or whatever floats your boat so that he can learn a few things while he passes the, uh, time.
7. A business card After the age of 21, it is no longer cute to scrawl your first name and phone number on a napkin and hand it to a man who wants to call you. Doesn't matter if you have no job (or business for that matter)or your job doesn't provide you with a business card. Maybe you would just prefer one with your personal email address and cell phone number on it, then have some made at your local Kinko's. If you are very thrifty or a budget diva/fashionista like myself, you can even get 250 full-color business cards for free from vistaprint.com if you don't mind the company's logo on the backside of the card. Hey, it's better than nothing and lets not forget the operative word here ladies. It's FREE!!!!!. A napkin he can lose, blow his nose on, wipe his ass,wipe his sweat away or any number of things, but a business card, he'll file and keep.
8. A straight male friend on your speed-dial for advice and another one for those inevitable booty calls, bustdowns or nights when you just need a lil' sumpin' sumpin' without the lip and commitments. No ties, no strings right? Every girl knows she needs a gay male friend she can go to for fashion advice , hair and makeup tips and one that will not lie when you ask "Does my ass look fat or Phat in these jeans?" (a personal Queer Eye of your own). But when it comes to relationship advice, you need another source. While your female friends may have good intentions (we all know that sometimes they may be on some jealousy, hatin' ass shit), if you really want to know if you should call that guy, let him hit it on the first night, introduce him to your kids, let him crash on the couch, pull some rug, or hit the sheets 3, 4 night in a row, save the guesswork and go to someone who's been there, done that. No one knows the mind of a man save for another man. He'll be honest and let you know what's really up!
9 and 10. (Yes, this counts as 2)A condom ( a few condoms) Preferably Magnums if applicable~wink~, Hey ladies, you know the drill by now. If you want to be able to have spontaneous fun of the bodily kind, you have to prepare for it yourself. You can't always count on him to have something in his back pocket, wallet,—or a 24-hour drugstore in route on the way home. Yeah, I know I stated preferably Magnums ( men always exaggerate their size and their ego may demand they use magnums even when it isn't necessary)but the truth is everyone is not packin' like that... so if you don't want you man looking like he is swimming in a 5 sizes too big windbreaker, it would behoove you to have a variety of sizes and flavors on hand. (Your new mantra: If you don't want it to break, (have holes poked in it, be outdated), you buy it.
And That concludes my Top 10 list of things every woman should have
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