About my hottie, well.... errr....ummm, somebody's hottie!

As you may or may not know it is cold as hell here.  I don't know how many females I've seen with no hat, no boots, and no gloves.  Just to give you some type of idea of just how cold it is, last week when I left the house, it was -5 degrees. ( and that is without the wind chill factor which would make it seem as if it were about 20 below) These chicks have got to know that it is too dayum cold outside to try to be cute.  I know they were freezing there asses off. Hell, I left the house looking like the abominable snow woman and I was still cold but I digress, this is supposed to be about the hottie.

 After work, I was having this craving for tacos.  I had been  thinking about them all day at work( Yes, these tacos are just that good, and I'm not particularly a taco person) so when I got off, I stop by this little "hood " spot and was surprised to see that as cold as it was out, nukkas was still huggin' the block.  Anyway, I'm trying to find a parking spot close to the restaurant and I see dudes just standing in front of the place near the door, but those tacos were calling my name so its whatever.  Anyway,  I m walking to the place and as I'm walking one of the guys says "Dayum mama , You got some pretty eyes,  a nigga can get lost in them muhfuccas". I said "Thank You, I think" and kept on stepping.  When I got to the door, someone opened it for me, I said thanks and that was that. I really didn't pay to much attention to them because dudes on the block in the cold 24-7 can't do a dayum thing for me.  I'm at the counter ordering and  dude follows me in and says "So,  you got a man, You got a name?"  I said "Excuse me but I'm trying to order, thank you" and he started laughing and says "Oh my bad."  I finished ordering and proceeded to move to the side with my back still turned to the guy hoping he would get the hint that I did not want to be bothered. I was cold, tired, and hungry and with me, those things could equal bitch if I'm rubbed the wrong way.  Anyway, he kept  trying to make conversation asking me if I had a name and I said "I do" then he asked me if I had a man, I must admit, dude was persistent because I know I would not be trying to talk to someone who kept their back turned to me.  My phone started ringing so I reached in my pocket to answer it and my keys fell out.  Dude bent down to pick them up to hand them to me and I turn around to thank him and whooo Lawd. This man was gorgeous!  My nipples even stood up and saluted him!  I mean he had on a hat and a hoodie so the only things that were really visible  to me were his eyes ( albeit through sunglasses) and his mouth.  He had the most beautiful smile I've ever seen and that's no lie.  Pretty teeth, buttery soft skin,( if I had  touched him I bet it would've felt like it)  mustache and goatee and just.... Umm Ummm Ummmm Dayum! I couldn't do anything but stare at him and I wouldn't be surprised if my mouth was hanging open while I was doing it.  Somehow, I managed to thank him for picking up my keys and he just stood there and grinned. He  told me his name and I told him mine and then he asked for my number.  I just totally forgot about the phone call that I was on,   hell that heffa could hold on indefinitely.  I said, how about you give me yours and I'll call you.  He laughed again and said you're a difficult one but okay.  He asked me for some paper to write it on  and I had none so he ended up writing it on a 20 dollar bill.  Lol I had to laugh when he handed it over but he said that was the only paper he had.  I guess that I was  supposed  to be impressed but if he wanted to impress me he could've pulled out about 50  more of them twenties and then I may have  possibly been impressed.  Anyway, this man so had me in a  trance that I wasn't even aware that they called my number to pick up my order.  I excused myself, picked up my order and then he walked me to my car amidst whistles and whoops from his boys.  I thanked him, gave him a smile and a wave and pulled off.  I didn't look back although it took everything in me not to get one more glimpse of that man's beautiful smile.  When I made it home, reality started to sink in.  As much as I love the thug swagger, I simply cannot do the thug thing .  I'm getting too old for that shyt  no matter how attractive he may have been .   With eternal longing and remorse, I think  that it's best that I  erase the man and the number from my memory.  Well, on second thought what can one phone call possibly hurt  I mean really,  This man had my undivided attention once I decided to give him mine and I am so itching to test the waters even though I know he is so not good for me.

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Lawd A'mercy

This morning I decided to stop at McDonald's to get some breakfast and coffee since I didn't have time to make some this morning.  Anyway,   I decided to go inside and fore go the drive thru which is something that I never do.  Anyway, I'm ordering my coffee with all of my 8 creams and sugars.   I taste it and It isn't to my liking , so I ask the girl if she put in my 8 creams and 8 sugars and she tells me yes,  I taste it again after stirring it up and I tell her that she did not.  She then gives me some additional sugars (bitch!  if I wanted to add sugar myself I wouldn't have bothered to go through my 8 creams and 8 sugars spiels) but anyway, I move over to the side so that I can fix up my coffee the right way.   Two older gentleman come into the place and instead of the one  going up to the empty register( no line, no waiting) to place his order, he decides to stand behind me off to the right.  Now mind you, I'm over to the side fixing my coffee and he is behind me yelling that he needs water.  Now I was always taught to respect my elders and the fact that he was being loud in my ear wasn't the main problem that I had with him.  Oh, it was a problem but I  would have been willing to overlook that if it hadn't been for the fact that  every time this man opened up his mouth, I smelled hot garbage.  I mean his breath STANK! I tried to play it off and hold my breath a bit while covering up my coffee with the quickness because I didn't want that funk to invade my drink.  Anyway, I'm scrunching up my face trying to avoid the smell until I just could not take it any more.  I turned around and said "Excuse me but would you mind moving  over a bit?"  and he just looked at me and said  "For what?"   I said not only are you yelling in my ear but you are breathing all over my coffee. He moved over but I could tell that he was none too happy about it.    I tried to hold out as long as I could, I really did, but that breath smelled like straight up stank!    I told my co-worker and she said "Girl I told you to carry those mints with you. If you had done what I said, then you could have given him one or two."  My co-worker is a nut. That woman keeps me giggling on the regular. What am I going to do when this special project is over because I am going to surely miss her and her funny stories.  She also said that and I quote"You know sometimes old  people can't satisfy a woman the way they should so they might need to taste IT a little bit"  so they get down there and taste it and then don't brush their teeth afterwards. breath be smelling like Badussy, boody, ass and pussy!"  She and I both burst out laughing and I know people were looking at us like what the hell has gotten into them. On a new note, I met a little hottie last night but I can't type about that just now as I have work to do and me on the internet is not being productive.  

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We aren't family!

What the hell is going on here?   I texted an ex  just to say "Happy New Year" a few days after New Years.  He texted me back and we went back and forth for a few messages until I stopped responding.  Anyway,  He and I haven't been together in years but we talk intermittently from time to time.  Anyway  A few days after I stop texting him, he calls me.  I was busy at the moment so I couldn't talk to him and said I would phone him back.  Well fast forward to  this weekend .....I still haven't called him back yet but he left a message on my voice mail saying that his mom and sister were in town, he also left their number just in case I wanted to call them.  What in the world would make him think that I wanted to call his mama and sister? We were never cool like that.  Not even when we lived together.  Now I was cordial to them but not in a  just call them out the blue and say wassup type of way.  I was closer to his grandmother than I was his mom or his sister , well his sis was much younger than me so all I would say to her is hi and bye.  Besides I don't want to be stuck meeting up and possibly entertaining them if I did decide to call.  Ahhh well,  He left the message two days ago and due to the fact that I rarely , if ever, check my messages on my home phone,  I have a good excuse for not calling them while they're in town.  I'm just glad he didn't give them my number so they can call me!  

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What did I get myself into?

Only a few more hours and I am out of this joint. I'm supposed to be going out on a "blind" date tonight . I don' know why I let Jazz talk me into this shit because she and I both know that I don't do blind dates. I'm really easy to read and if I'm not feeling dude then he will definitely know it. Not because I'll be blatantly rude or anything like that but because it is extremely difficult for me to feign interest when I'm obviously not. The only reason I agreed to go is because Jazz has met "the finest, most perfect guy ever" *insert eye roll here* because she meets the "finest, most perfectest guy ever" damn near monthly but anyway, she says that they haven't really talked much and he asked her out. Jazzy can be overly cautious( which is a good thing in this day and age) so she told him that she would be bringing a friend and asked if he had a friend and of course he does, what negro doesn't have boys? I told Jazz that I will be driving myself there because I will not be left ass out if she ends up feeling dude a little too much and decides to hang out with him or stay the night with him. Nahhh baby, I will not be stuck depending on said blind date to take me home.. so meet them there , I shall! I really don't have any expectations because like I said before, I'm not into the blind date thing. Really it's just two friends dragging their two friends on a date with them because they fear being alone together. So far the plan is dinner and dancing which I politely informed her isn't such a good idea. I told her to keep it simple and earlier in the day. That way if dude isn't the prince she believes he will be she won't be stuck with him for too long. She's trying to act like she doesn't know wassup!! She knows the rules, when in doubt.....do coffee. Keep it safe and short! *sigh* It's crappy outside ...rainy, dreary, dull and I'm not really in the mood to go anywhere but I'll try the make the best out of it. If all else fails, at least I will be getting my drink on!!!!

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Wanna go all night? Well do ya?

My girl's and I were talking about something I heard on the Steve Harvey Morning show. One of them said that a woman really doesn't want a man who can go on for hours and hours during sex. I started thinking about it and while I have made my fair share of jokes about the infamous "minute man" (having experienced a few episodes where it took me longer to take off my panties than it did for him to cum), I realized that I really don't want a man that can go for hours and hours. Aside from the fact that my shit would be rubbed raw, chaffed and I would be walking bowlegged, If it's taking me that long to cum, then I am definitely not opposed to some help in getting me there whether it be fingers, tongue, or what have you. I am also not opposed to giving out directions, and instructions as needed. Long gone are the days where I fake orgasms tryng to boost up a nukkas ego, If you don't know what you're doing and aren't willing to take instructions and directions, get the hell up and OUT! I'm not trying to fuck for 3 and 4 hours and I know I am not the only one. I'm not multiorgasmic... well as much as I'd like to, I haven't had that "Nirvanaesque" experience of being able to cum more than once during the act..YET. Besides, I'm also a selfish lover. With me it is never really "all about you" unless I'm feeling especially generous that day. I mean, I will work hard to get you there up until it's my time, but my main concern is myself and if it just so happens that I get mine before you get yours. I feel sorry for ya! An orgasm for me is a sure fire sedative and most likely after I achieve one, I will be washing myself up and then rolling my ass on over to get some sleep. I have yet to find the man that would make me want to skip my happy ass in to the kitchen and make ham sandwiches and shyt. Not to say that he isn't out there but I just have't met him yet. Maybe 2008...huh?

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Happy New Year !

I've just returned from visiting family for the Holidays and I want to just let it be known that I am not at all happy to be home. After my little jaunt, I am seriously considering moving back to my hometown. I miss my peoples ya'll I MISS THEM!!!!!! While I didn't really do much ....Yes, you heard right, No partying for ya girl while she was there, I still had a fabulous time. Family will definitely do that for you! So now I'm back here just going through the motions.

I did drag Miko to the mall with me upon my return to get my brows threaded which was an experience in and of itself. Now I had been thinking about getting them done for a while, so I inquired as to the level of pain involved with this process. I was told that it hurts less than waxing and is better because it doesn't involve ripping off a layer of skin as does with waxing. Anyway, I told the chick that I would be back. Two weeks later I head on back to get it done.

I sit in the chair and she is doing something to my brows and I'm pleasantly surprised because I am feeling No pain. Come to find out she was just brushing them or whatever to get them the way she wanted them before she started threading. Well I braced myself (as I do when I get waxed) but lawd. let me tell you all that I was not ready for what I felt. That shit hurt like hell! Like HELL I tell ya. Anyway, My eyes were watering so bad that passersby thought I was crying. The chick threading me asked if this was my first time and I said yes, ya'll lied to me when I asked about the pain. This shit hurts like hell and about 5 times worse than waxing! Anyway, she was nice enough to hand me a Kleenex so that I can dab at the water flowing from my eyes and then she handed me a mirror. I must admit, My brows look fabulous and she did them to my specifications: no thinning, no shaping, just clean them up a bit!. I do plan to have this done again and I'm hoping that the more I have it done, the less pain I feel. Miko just stood there laughing at my comments and sounds but her punk ass decided not to get hers done. I don't understand why because this chick gets bikini waxes, You hear me? BIKINI WAXES, where they get all up in every nook and cranny of the cooch and the booty but the brows are too much for her? I told her I would contemplate getting a Brazilian but if the pain is anything like the brows, and I imagine it wouldd be since my goodies are sensitive, then as of now, I'm thinking HELL NO!!

May the desires f you hearts be fulfilled in '08! Happy New Year!

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